Lasitas

 Hello friends! I hope you liked last week's post about my opinions because today, I've got... another post of my opinions. This time, on ice cream. Ben & Jerry's is an iconic brand of decadent ice cream. I was bored on a recent afternoon, so I decided to place every flavor listed on the Ben & Jerry's website onto a tier list. For those unfamiliar with the Street Fighter  inspired tier list, it's mostly letter grade logic (A is the best, F is the worst), but with an additional category of S for Superior and SS for Super Superior (I don't know if that's what it actually stands for, but it is what it means). Now, some of these flavors I haven't had. I was not prepared to spend $50 or more and exhaustively search every store in the region to track down every single unsampled flavor, so I made an educated guess based on the description. This post is NOT sponsored by Ben & Jerry's. And before we get started, don't forget to subscribe for ...

 Put on your space seatbelts, folks, and prepare to be as disappointed in me as Alex, who I believe may have questioned our engagement after reading this one. She asked, pleaded me, in fact, to search my memory for something, anything more about the original finale to the crowning achievement of science fiction cinema, but this is it, baby. Star Wars Episode 6: The One Where Barely Anything Happens, Apparently. Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away... Luke realizes he must save Leia, and probably Han while he’s at it. He crashes Jabba’s house party, but then gets captured himself. Luckily, he is able to use all his Yoda-given training to win an arena-style fight that Jabba put him up to for the entertainment of his guests. Leia, who is dressed like the Star Wars centerfold edition, is rescued by Luke’s daring heroics, and they also get Han back somehow. With his found family back together, Luke realizes it’s time to face his final objective: fight Darth Vader and win the space war ...

Star Wars Episode V: The Rape-y One (real title: Return of the Jedi? The Empire Strikes Back? One or the other. Definitely not New Hope, I know for a FACT that’s the fourth one) The gang are fighting fascists in a wintry landscape on the planet Hoth. There are big tanks on comically long legs called ATATs. Luke is in a little fighter jet that conveniently has a cable rope ejector, so he is able to circle the ATATs with the cable, tripping them as it tightens around their knees. Later, after a flying motorbike race through the woods, Han and Luke discuss who has dibs on Leia at a party. Then Luke and R2D2 head off into a swamp for Luke’s pilgrimage to a Jedi master. They crash, and Luke is annoyed. R2D2 is mischievously undismayed. A little troll creature starts mocking them, and Luke is even more frustrated by his unpleasant predicament. Unfortunately for Luke and fortunately for decades of merchandising, this little creature- best described as a cross between a teenage mutant nin...

 Hello everyone! It's been a while! Over a year, in fact. With that little hiatus behind us, I am excited to bring you to the next era of Lasitas. I plan to regularly post again, though I want to focus more on creative writing than making it a newsletter. However, never fear, newsletter fans, if you subscribe to my newsletter, you will get... a newsletter! In your email inbox! From me!! The newsletter will basically serve as a way to get email notifications of new posts, since Blogger stopped supporting the automatic email updates that my first-era subscribers are familiar with. So, instead of just posting to Blogger and letting the built-in RSS email functionality handle the rest, I'm going to be more hands-on with writing a newsletter that links to the latest post. If you previously were subscribed to Lasitas, I have you on my new email group, no problem! If you are new here and would like to subscribe, click here to get added to the list! With that out of the way, I would l...

TGIFPF! At long last! My semester has ended, so I have a luxurious several extra hours of free time a week, so, with any luck, FPF will be able to be a regular feature again! Faithful blog followers, I shall grant you an extra-large FPF today in reward for your patient and resourceful survival of the Great FPF Drought. It's like a 7/11 ICEE of FPF. What has Hazel been up to? It's been a while, but you may remember Hazel? The lump of fur I find on my belly many mornings? She finally got her act together and sat in a box like a proper cat. Boxes are no competition for flopping on the floor though. (Also pictured: One glamorous slipper) Hazel threw her arm around me and started licking my hand because we're good friends. Hazel studying for finals. Related: me unable to study for finals Hazel, holding her legs and tail close. One glossy chunk. Tiny, precious feet. Possibly the most valuable item in the known universe. Did you know? Hazel plugs into our bed to charge! Charging i...

 Hey y'all! It's been a minute! (a month actually) Posting here has not made my top priority list unfortunately for the last few weeks, but I figured I'd do something a little fun today. I have been working at Starbucks, my first customer service job, for about two and a half months now. I thought it could be entertaining to chronicle one of the most recognized aspects of the customer service industry: the disparity between your thoughts and your words. Anyone who has ever worked in any sort of service capacity will know exactly what I'm talking about. Scenario 1: the highly specific request Customer: Could I have a strawberry refresher with coconut milk? My thoughts: You mean a  pink drink? That's literally a separate thing on the menu. Me: Sure! Customer: Could it be 60% strawberry and 40% coconut milk? My thoughts: *dial up loading noise* Me:  You know, I bet a pink drink will be just what you're looking for! I'll ring it up as one of those! Scenario 2...

 Hello friends! I've got a good one for you today. What has Hazel been up to? Hazel provided a lot of moral support during my studies this week. She also did a bit of studying on her own. Gotta take a closer look at that info box That feeling when you scream into the void while yawning. A series of cozy Hazels This may just look like Hazel in my lap, but it's also me putting off lunch for a good 20 minutes because Hazel was so comfy. Accidental flash is dramatic. Hazel is pretending to be a moustache. This is also how an alarming number of customers think a mask should be worn. In other news... My Starbucks hat has started shaping my hair into some sort of crest. Also more Hazel. My phone says that Paul sent me a picture of Boycat in the year 53,069. Thanks for keeping up with the weekly updates! What Hazel picture are you most feeling today? I think the screaming into the void will speak to a lot of people.

 Another week gone by! What has Hazel been up to? Ever get the feeling someone is looking over your shoulder? I gifted Hazel my water bottle. I don't think it was appreciated. In other news... I made a very labor-intensive cake. The labor was more intensive because the batter overflowed all over my oven and started smoking out my kitchen as it burned. In related news, I have a freshly scrubbed oven. In unrelated news, I have a lovely girlfriend who is much more shapely than this cake. I FINALLY made vegan ricotta . I served it with beets, orange vinaigrette , and quinoa. Thanks for stopping by!